Do you want to be rich? Most of us equate "rich" with "money" – and we take it for granted that more money is a good thing. We daydream about winning the lottery and quitting our jobs, traveling the world, and buying all the expensive gadgets we want.
Study after study, though, shows that more money doesn't make us happier. Of course, if you're living on the breadline, it will – but past a certain, fairly low, salary, there's no relationship between salary and happiness.
I think that real happiness comes from other types of riches. You might not have loads of money, but if you've got enough to live on, how about focusing on some of these ways of getting rich instead?
Time-Rich
You've probably come across the phrase "money rich, time poor". This, perhaps, sums up the reasons why more money doesn't result in more happiness. Often, the more you earn, the more time you spend earning – or taking care of your money and the trappings which come with it.
Being time-rich means having the freedom to spend as much of your life as possible doing what you want. Having an abundance of time can bring rewards that no amount of money can buy. Time-rich parents, for instance, have the chance to really engage with their kids. A time-rich painter or writer might not make millions, but might produce some truly outstanding pieces of art. A time-rich academic could revolutionize a particular discipline.
Money can be earned, exchanged and horded. Time goes past constantly, however much we might like to stop it. Being time-rich means engaging fully with life.
Get time-rich:
Health-Rich
If you lose a lot of money, you can recover. It might take some time, but you can turn around your personal finances and get out of debt. You can close a failing business and start a new one. You can borrow money from family or from the bank.
If you destroy your health, there's often no going back. Some chronic illnesses, such as ME, are caused by periods of overwork and stress. Is it worth wrecking your health for the sake of a few extra hours in work?
One of the most powerful stories I've come across about this is in Jonathan Field's book Career Renegade
I'd been working nearly seventy-two hours straight, each one more excruciating than the one before. But, missing the deadline meant losing $100 million for our client, so I pressed on until we finally closed the deal. I staggered into a cab, passed out for a few hours, then headed straight to my doctor's office. [...] Weeks of relentless hours had literally collapsed my immune system, allowing a softball-sized infection to ravage my intestines and eat a hole through them from the outside-in.
Get health-rich:
Interest-Rich
If you have a rich and varied set of interests, you're likely to have a fulfilling life. Spend time discovering what you really care about (whether or not it's what your parents or your friends want you to do). Having a life full of things which interest you is much more likely to make you happy than spending eight hours a day doing a job you dislike, just because it pays well.
Plus, when you get to retirement, you'll want hobbies and interests which give you meaning and purpose – and enjoyment.
You may well have lots of interests already. Are there any which you've neglected – perhaps because you think you don't have the time, or because they seem self-indulgent? If you feel that you lack any real hobbies or passions, make it your mission to find some! Try out new things (even ones which you think won't be right for you) ... and see if you surprise yourself.
Get interest-rich:
What sort of riches do you have in your life? Do you really need money to be rich – or would more time, better health or stronger interests make you happier?
Written on 5/3/2010 by Ali Hale. Ali writes a blog, Aliventures, about leading a productive and purposeful life (get the RSS feed here). As well as blogging, she writes fiction, and is studying for an MA in Creative Writing.
30 Happiness Tips: Program Your Life for Optimum Enjoyment
Posted by SoMeOnE at 6:01 AM Labels: Happiness
For many of us, the goal of life isn't ultimate wealth, a massive amount of stuff, or the perfect car. It's happiness, plain and simple.
Some people may be created happier than others, with enjoyment of life programmed into their hardwiring. For others, getting to happiness isn't always that simple. You weren't programmed that way.
But like any programming, yours can be changed. Rewrite your life program to include as many of the following tips as appeal to you, and the ultimate goal of happiness can be yours. If you've already achieved complete happiness, well done!
Different things make different people happy. If you aren't sure what your hot spots are, experiment. Try different things out. Find out what you enjoy most. The answers just might surprise you. Try a few of the following for starters.
If you are around angry, depressed or sad people, it will transfer to you. You can't help it. But if you're around people who are happy, that will also transfer to you. You'll also learn their habits, and learn to react the way they do when something bad happens. Slowly weed out the negative influences on your life and replace them with positive ones.
When something bad happens to you, try not to focus on it. Instead, take a minute to count your blessings. Everyone has good things in their lives, whether it is health or loved ones or whatever.
Along those lines, it is a good practice to have a daily gratitude session. Think about what you have to be thankful for, and silently thank those who have done something good for you in some way. If you have time, take the time to call them or email them to thank them.
Instead of thinking about problems, move to the next step: how to solve it. When someone says to me, "Oh, this is so hard," or "Oh, I can't seem to do this," or "Man, we don't have any more of that," I just ask them, "Well, what's the solution?" If you develop solution-oriented thinking, you'll be much happier.
As much as possible, spend time with those you love, and with others who you enjoy. It could be a simple phone call, or a short visit. Or take a day with the person or people you'd like to spend time with. Have a conversation, do things together, be intimate.
We are often unaware of it, but we usually want things or people or ourselves to change. And that's a sure way to lead to unhappiness, because we cannot control the world. We have to accept things as they are, try to understand them, even love them. Including and most especially ourselves: accept who you are, allow yourself to be yourself, try to understand and love yourself. Then do the same with the others in your life.
Instead of rushing from one thing to another, resolve to have less to do each day, less appointments and fewer tasks. Then do each thing slowly, with mindfulness and ease, and try to be present in the moment. And truly enjoy whatever it is you do, from talking to eating to walking to just sitting.
Along the same lines, try to notice when you feel good, or you're not suffering, or you are tasting something really delicious, or you feel something cold or hot, anything. Noticing the little things will help keep you focused on the present.
Take a few minutes each day to give yourself a little treat, whether that's something like chocolate or berries, or a bubble bath, or walking barefoot in the grass, or taking a nap. Whatever it is, treat yourself. You deserve it.
When bad things happen, and you're having trouble accepting it, think to yourself the same thing the ancients did: "This, too, shall pass." And it will. And you'll survive.
When you give to others, whether that's money or the stuff you no longer need or your time and love, you become happier. It's true. Take 5 minutes today to call a charity and volunteer to donate some time sometime this month. It will make a big difference in your life.
If you do what you love to do, especially for a living, you wil be extremely happy. This is one of the best things you can do. If it seems impossible, don't give up. Others have done it and you can too.
Instead of looking at what you haven't done, or what you've failed at, think about what you have done. Many times that's much more than we realize.
Just the simple act of laughing can make you happier. Watch a funny movie, tell jokes, read a book by Douglas Adams or Terry Pratchett, go to humor sites on the Internet. And laugh your head off.
You deserve happiness. That simple statement is actually profound for many people, as they don't believe they really deserve to be happy. It's often unconscious. If you feel that within yourself, you need to first realize that you deserve happiness. Repeat it if necessary.
There is a state of doing known as Flow, which is when you completely lose yourself in a task and forget about the world around you. It leads to happiness, and productivity. Set yourself up for it by clearing distractions, giving yourself a challenging (but accomplishable) task, and making it something that you like doing. Then try to lose yourself in that task.
Too many goals will lead to ineffectiveness. Try to choose one goal and really focus on it. And work to accomplish it. Goals lead to happiness, if you make progress on them.
Take time to read blogs or books or magazine articles about success stories related to what you want to do. It will get you energized.
When you do something right, when you accomplish something, when you feel like it, reward yourself. Celebrate. Have fun, and pat yourself on the back.
Try to have at least one area in your life where you have autonomy. It's best if this is at work, but if not, find another place, such as a hobby or civic activity. You need to be in control of what you do to be happy.
Make room in your life by eliminating some of the commitments you don't really like doing, and replacing them with something you truly love.
Each day, try to be kind to others in little ways, opening doors, smiling, giving up your place in line.
Just a short walk or run could lift your spirits and reduce stress. Nothing difficult. Just get outside and move.
Monitor your thoughts. When you catch negative ones, try to think of something good instead. Corny, but it helps.
Many people obsess about others who are successful or happy. That gets you nowhere, fast. Instead, be happy for them. Then focus on yourself, and what you do right.
Sure, this sounds like a head-in-the-sand suggestion. But really, if you give this a try, you won't miss a thing. And instead, you can focus on reading books and listening to music that lifts you up.
It's strange how many of us are afraid to try new things, or admit we don't know something. But learning new skills or new information is one of the most fun things there is to do. Give it a try.
Go and watch a sunrise or sunset. Watch the water, whether that's a river or ocean or lake. Watch the stars, or the clouds. Watch animals. Watch people. Watch children. And be inspired by it all.
When you are in the middle of a bad situation, look around you, realize the absurdity of the situation, and just laugh. In a year, no one will care. In two years, you'll be laughing at this anyway. So laugh now, and be happy now.
Written for Dumblittleman.com on 09/04/2007 by Leo Babauta and republished on 4/11/10. Leo offers advice on living life productively simple at his famous Zen Habits blog.
How To Design Your Circle of Friends
Posted by SoMeOnE at 1:46 PM Labels: Happiness, How To, Relationships
There is a lot of talk about time management, career management, project management and even life management. Today, I am going to suggest to you the management of something which I think is very important and very much ignored: your circle of friends. Or better yet, the design of your circle of friends.
Think about it: every week, you spend quite a few hours with your friends. The proper circle of friends for you can be a lot more than a bunch of people you hang out with or tweet to. Having the right friends can mean:
- Very fun experiences together, you look forward to every time;
- A powerful connection, based on your core common points;
- A deep sense of respect and appreciation for each other;
- The ability to be comfortable, authentic and open with them;
- Knowing you have your back covered by great people.
These friends are usually not bad, but if you’re only building your circle of friends like this, it’s important to realize they may not be the best friends for you and in a way, you are wasting the potential for much better friendships. What you need to do is proactively build you circle of friend, following a couple of steps:
- Decide what you want
This is the crucial starting point: deciding the key traits you want your friends to have. This step allows you to filter the people you interact with and the time you dedicate to each one, to maximize the positive outcomes.
Pick up a pen and paper, and actually write down these traits, after you think about them really well. But make sure you don’t write too many traits; otherwise you’ll create such a strong filter you’ll end up with no circle of friends. - Get out there
Once you decide what kind of people you want to befriend, it’s time to go out and meet them. Start thinking about the kind of places and activities where you have the best chances of meeting people fitting your desired profile, and get involved.
If you like people who value self-improvement, go to personal development trainings. If you like people who are passionate and energetic, take a dancing class. If you like people who are fun and sociable, go to parties or sports bars. There are tons of opportunities out there. Pick the right ones, get out there and be sociable. - Say yes and no
Meeting new people and discovering some you enjoy interacting with is usually not enough to make new friends. You need to have more interactions with these people to continue getting to know each other and see where it goes. Take the initiative; ask people out for coffee or lunch, throw a party, talk on the phone if you like it, and so on.
At the same time, it’s important to cut down on the interactions with people who are already in your social circle and you realize they do not really fit the friend profile you’re looking for. Otherwise, especially if you also need a decent amount of alone time like me, you will have little time for finding and interacting with people you enjoy more.
 | Written on 4/10/2010 by Eduard Ezeanu. Eduard is 80% communication coach and 20% something more. He also writes advice about people skills and personal development on his blog, People Skills Decoded. You can follow him on Twitter at @eduardezeanu. |
I hate miserable people! OK, let me rephrase this last statement: I don't hate miserable people because to hate someone we first have to love them. But let's say I can't stand people who constantly complain, whinge, and choose to be miserable while they DON'T do a single thing to lift themselves out of their misery.
Being miserable sucks, but we all are at times - yes, even me. I have my bad times too. I tend to stick my head under the covers for a day or so before I re-emerge into the world.
Getting into a funk isn't planned; it just happens. Whether it's a sting of bad luck in life or some complicated chemical setup in our brain, it doesn't go away easily.
Depending on the day of the week, you answer here may vary, but: Is your glass half empty or half full? Is that always your answer? No? Well, it that your answer most of the time? There are two types of people on this planet: Those who are negative by default, and those who see the positive side, even in dark times. I consider myself to be the latter.
I take failure as a means to move ahead in life because I analyze my shortcomings and use what I learn to do better next time. If the Sh7$ hits the fan, I might get upset, angry or depressed, but I NEVER GIVE UP!
I'd choose happy over miserable any day. By choosing happiness we open ourselves up to experiencing great moments. By being happy we invite success, fun, opportunities and love into our lives.
Naysayers: Some people choose to be naysayers. They consistently complain, bully, whinge and find reasons to see things in a bad light. Naysayers are bitter people! Why? I don't know because my mind doesn't work that way.
Perhaps you can tell me.
It beats me really. Why would you want to make your existence on this wonderful planet a miserable one if you have a sound mind to choose otherwise?
Do you choose happiness? If so, why? Why do you choose happiness over misery? Is it perhaps because doors open to you that otherwise wouldn't? Or is it because your outlook on life is generally positive like mine?
Did you know that your mind is directly responsible for your failures and successes in life? If you don't believe me do this little experiment:
Observe what happens to you when you feel miserable the moment you get out of bed the next time it happens. How does this influence your day? Then observe how great life is when your mind is positive and open to new experiences and opportunities.
How does this influence your day now?
You should have no doubt that by choosing happiness over being miserable you hold the key to all the good things in life that are naturally yours. Are you ready to claim them?